Dreams...

Well, that was nice…



Going over it, I’m realising it was all as it should be. No feelings involved, neither before, nor after. Please God, not after. It would make things so difficult. But so far nothing. Not even that tingly feeling in your stomach, the one that stops you from eating, or makes itself so present that you just can’t ignore it, and have to remember. But that doesn’t stop me from remembering either. I like remembering.

I wasn’t expecting it. But then again I was. I didn’t think it’d go that far. But then again I did want to. And then again it’s him. It had to go that far if it was to go anywhere at all. Playful, making me bothered, but bolder. From the beginning I knew it was going to be. But then again something made me think that it wouldn’t. So I wasn’t anxious. Never was, makes me feel strange. I’ve gone past a stage. I’m the kind of person who does that now… Good. Wanted that for a long time, and I’m happy with… the experience, me, my attitude and feelings – or lack of. Damn, this is good. Liberating.

I somehow feel grand. I’m not cowering anymore. People can go to hell for all I care now – no more judging me.

This is mine. No one else’s. And so perfect…

Thanks to the freelancer for being mine to hire for the night…