Koha

The sirens are screaming, and the fires are howling
Way down in the valley tonight.
There's a man in the shadows with a gun in his eye
And a blade shining oh so bright.
There's evil in the air and there's thunder in the sky,
And a killer's on the bloodshot streets.
And down in the tunnels where the deadly are rising
Oh, I swear
I saw a young boy down in the gutter
He was starting to foam in the heat.

Oh, baby you're the only thing in this whole world
That's pure and good and right.
And wherever you are and wherever you go
There's always gonna be some light,
But I gotta get out,
I gotta break out now
Before the final crack of dawn.
So we gotta make the most of our one night together
When it's over, you know,
We'll both be so alone.

Like a bat out of hell
I'll be gone when the morning comes.
When the night is over, like a bat out of hell,
I'll be gone, gone, gone.
Like a bat out of hell
I'll be gone when the morning comes.
But when the day is done
And the sun goes down
And the moonlight's shining through.
Then like a sinner before the gates of
Heaven
I'll come crawling on back to you.

I'm gonna hit the highway like a battering ram
On a silver-black phantom bike.
When the metal is hot, and the engine is hungry
And we're all about to see the light.
Nothing ever grows in this rotting old hole,
And everything is stunted and lost.
And nothing really rocks, and nothing really rolls,
And nothing's ever worth the cost.

Well I know that
I'm damned if
I never get out,
And maybe
I'm damned if I do,

But with every other beat
I've got left in my heart,
You know
I wanna be damned with you.
If I gotta be damned, you know
I wanna be damned
Dancing through the night with you
Well if I gotta be damned, you know
I wanna be damned,
Gotta be damned, you know
I wanna be damned
Gotta be damned, you know
I wanna be damned
Dancing through the night,
Dancing through the night,
Dancing through the night with you

Well I can see myself tearing up the road
Faster than any other boy has ever gone.
And my skin is raw, but my soul is ripe,
And no one's gonna stop me now,
I'm gonna make my escape.
But I can't stop thinking of you,
And I never see the sudden curve until it's way too late.
And I never see the sudden curve until it's way too late.

Then I'm down in the bottom of a pit in the blazing sun,
Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike,
And
I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell.
And the last thing
I see is my heart, still beating,
Breaking out of my body and flying away
Like a bat out of hell.

Then
I'm down in the bottom of a pit in the blazing sun,
Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike,
And
I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell.
And the last thing
I see is my heart,
Still beating..still beating...
Breaking out of my body, and flying away
Like a bat out of hell
Like a bat out of hell
Like a bat out of hell...
Like a bat out of hell
Like a bat out of hell
Like a bat out of hell........



Well, that was my last night with him. It was a nice night as well. Not only the night but also the evening. There was a sort of intimacy between us. Like two friends who know they can touch each other because it feels good and right, right mostly, and that it is also inconsequential. Inconsequential because I'm leaving.

It's been nice just being with him. Because I just am. He's a friend, or at least if not a friend, somebody who's not judging me, just as I don't judge him, unlike other people who've been introduced to him. When we're together we're just together, not trying to impress each other. Because I've understood that I don't have to impress anyone in order to have their affection. I just need to be myself. And I think I've gotten his affection, just as he has mine. He's been very friendly to me, shown me, though I don't think he realises it, that I can do so many more things. I can live a little more, and more intensely, but he isn't the only person that has made me realise that.

This whole trip has been such a good experience. It had been such a long time that I hadn't gone out with a guy after Christophe. I think it was necessary, just to become myself again. And I went out with Karl in the Globe. That was nice. Set me back on the tracks. And then there was Aidan, who's struggling between his love for his girlfriend, her absence, and his need for woman companionship. I'm glad that he chose me to accompany him for a little while.

After the first night with him, I thought that maybe I had become one of those sluts, doing the one night stand and not giving a damn. But it wasn't that way with Aidan. Because it wasn't a one night stand. We were keeping each other company. He made me understand that I can be desirable. I may not be a beauty queen, but I'm a nice person, "Fun", and very Fuckable !!! :D

The reality check happened last weekend at the Globe, when Sangeeta went off into her little corner and I started dancing with this bresilian guy. It got hot really quickly, and I left him after a while. That's not who I am. I don't pull guys in clubs to have sex with them afterwards, without even knowing their names ! At one point I thought I might have been able to, but that's not the point. I don't want to ! I want to know the person I sleep with. Even if not much, at least know I can have a conversation with him. And the fact that he wants to know my name is important as well. Shows that I'm not a vagina on legs, but an actual person. I thought sex was unimportant and could be taken for granted just because I happened to like it. But it's not true. Most of the times it should be shared with someone important to you. Because it's special. Because he's special. And I wish him all the best, because he needs it and deserves it. I'm not sure I'll be able to say all this to him face to face, because in the state I'm in I break down in tears. And I'm afraid he'd mistake the tears for something more than just affection, something closer to Love. Which I don't feel for him. I'm afraid he wouldn't see that Goodbyes are just so fucking difficult for me, especially to someone who holds a special place in my heart. So I'll do the disguting thing of writing an email to him, or maybe a letter. He might appreciate that more.

Well, I think it's time for me to go to bed and nurse my cold... and weep a bit more...

Damn it was good... great... awesome... unforgettable...