Week-end !!!!

La paie est tombée, alors j'ai décidé que j'allais me faire plaisir ce weekend.

J'ai grandement envie d'un appareil photo, pour remplacer le mien, qui est mort de sa belle mort.

J'ai envie de m'acheter le dernier album de Feist

J'ai aussi envie de m'acheter celui des Killers, même si j'ai chouré les chansons à ma soeur. J'aime écouter cet album en cuisinant.

Il me faut absolument un livre - le 23ème depuis octobre si j'ai bien fait le compte. Petit à la Fnac, où à mon petit magasin de livres d'occasion préféré.

Je vais me faire un poulet aux épices, aux raisins et au riz au safran qui déchire sa race ! Il faudrait que je me déniche du pain pakistanais pour que ça soit grandiose.

Je vais aussi me faire un petit ciné - Pirates des Caraïbes ou Zodiac.

Et puis parce qu'il faut toujours finir sur une note de douceur, il faut que j'aille acheter du PQ Moltonel épaisseur triple. J'adorais la pub avec le chat quand j'étais petite !

What can happen in the course of two phone calls...

I heard so much last night it hurts.

It seems I was mistaken. The time we met, it apparently wasn't for sex, and I turned it into that. Apparently.

Apprently he likes me, and believes we could build something.

It feels strange though, the idea that I, of all people, could create such an emotion in others.

Eery.

But him and I ? It can't work out. There's something in him that repulses me. A strange mixture of fake manly boasting, clinginess and a whiny need for affection. All I felt after our encounter was drained, not fulfilled. As if the aim of the weekend was for him to get comforted.

I know what I want, or rather who. I want real confidence, a real person, no faked emotions. But the two men I long for are out of reach. My best friend is halfway across the worl, and although I know for certain that I'll see him again one day, I miss his rantings, his silences and sidelong glances. God I miss him.

As for the other one, he's much closer, but that doesn't simplify things. Because he belongs to someone else. I'm torn between guilt and resignment. And fuck it hurts.

All I want is to lie in his arms, hear his heart beating, and sigh in contentment.

 

"All I want is a mirror, so I can see this so called brighter place" (Skunk Anansie) 

En sus... Rhooo, bande de pervers !!!

Cette chanson me trotte dans la tête depuis un petit bout de temps (surtout le refrain) : c'est Bones, chanté par The Killers. 

 

Come with me.

We took a back road.
We're gonna look at the stars.
We took a backroad in my car.
Down to the ocean,
it’s only water and sand
And in the ocean we'll hold hands.

But I don't really like you, apologetically dressed in the best, but on a heartbeat glide.

Without an answer, the thunder speaks for the sky, and on the cold, wet dirt I cry.
And on the cold, wet dirt I cry.

Don’t you wanna come with me? Don’t you wanna feel my bones
on your bones?
It's only natural.

A cinematic vision ensued
like the holiest dream.
It's someone's calling?
An angel whispers my name,
but the message relayed is the same:
“Wait till tomorrow,
you'll be fine."
But it's gone to the dogs in my mind.
I always hear them
when the dead of night
comes calling to save me from this fight.
But they can never wrong this right.

Don't you wanna come with me? Don't you wanna feel my bones
on your bones?
It's only natural.
Don’t you wanna swim with me? Don’t you wanna feel my skin
on your skin?
It's only natural.

(Never had a lover)
I never had a lover
(Never had soul)
I never had soul
(Never had a good time)
And I never had a good time
(Never got cold)
I never got gold.

Don't you wanna come with me? Don't you wanna feel my bones
on your bones?
It's only natural.
Don't you wanna swim with me? Don't you wanna feel my skin
on your skin?
It's only natural.
Don't you wanna come with me? Don't you wanna feel my bones
on your bones?
It’s only natural.
Come and take a swim with me. Don't you wanna feel my skin
on your skin?
It’s only natural

I yelled and whimpered, and you weren't there

And if it all goes right - tonight - I'll be in your arms

I'll have fought armies - enemies - friends

Shed tears - spilled blood - and desecrated life

Hollered into the emptiness - and whimpered to my wounded soul

To my lost and wounded soul

 

To have lost my soul

For the sake of -

For the sake -

For -

 

If it all goes right - tonight - I'll be in your arms

Damn the rest

I already am in Hell

 

 

 

Deep and dark thoughts, for a day that didn't go too well.

And no one to turn to.

 

Koha is a gift - Don't question yourself up or down, merely sideways.  

Remembrance

 

I was looking for nice words, once again, and I stumbled (or rather threw myself) upon these. Sometimes, to feel better, you need to feel... 

 

He wrote...

 

" I got your note. You have impeccable timing and a gift for romantic style that would be hard found outside of the meaninglessness of choreographed pop-cinema. Yet its real, and you are real and that authenticity in the face of such bullshit that we live thought gives you extra credit. Do not question yourself up or down, merely sideways. This may not make sense now, and if so i doubt it ever will - it is just more of the amazing shit stream that is life. It is your job to enjoy it. " 

 

Then, less romantically, he told me to go outside and eat grass or drink water from a pond.

I guess I don't like normality.

 

 

Anyway, I may have said this before to my fans, but I will be going to Ansterdam this weekend, to meet up with friends I haven't seen in 8 year for some, 6 for others, and with whom I'm still keeping in touch. I am so looking forward to it, seeing all these great people again. I have this tingling feeling in my belly.

 

In the words of our beloved Tim Curry...

 

 

"Antici-----PAtion !"

Feeling Blind

I can feel it in the darkness. I can almost feel its breath on my back. But I can’t see it. It’s so dark in here. I’ve been running for the better part of the day, and I think I’m lost.

 

 

 On the way in, it seemed pretty easy to find my way back. It would have been, except that the electricity got cut, and the generator didn’t kick in. Even the small security lights which pave the floor stayed dark.

 

 

I hate the dark. Not being able to see around me gives me a feeling of claustrophobia. But I’m not talking about the darkness you have at night in the cities. You always have some source of light around you, even when you switch everything off to sleep at night. I mean real darkness. Being in a mine, a cave, a tunnel. Not being able to distinguish your hand placed in front of your face, even though you know it’s there. Becoming blind has always been my greatest anguish. Now I know what it feels like, and it frightens me even more.

 

 

I’ve come to the end of a corridor. Which way to go? Is there even a choice? I’d have to make my way uncovered and unprotected by the walls in order to know how many directions this corridor has divided into. What good would it be anyway? I don’t know where I am, and where I’m going. I once heard that when you’re in a maze, you should always take the same direction. I’ve been going right for some time now, and I don’t even know if that’s got me any closer to the exit. Maybe I’ve been going in circles. I might even be going back there. Straight back to the place I want to escape.

 

 

At times I hear footsteps, faint, then stronger, as if in a nearby corridor. I stop moving, breathing, living almost. I don’t want it to catch up with me, because God knows what would happen then. Would it tear me up? Force its way into me, or weigh down onto my chest, suffocating me?  

 

 

Then the sounds fade and the silence becomes intolerable, because I’m wondering where it’s gone to, and when it’ll come back. Maybe it’s just waiting for me around the corner, smiling its wry smile, a faint red glow seeping from its eyes. I guess as long as I don’t see any red light I’ll be fine. But I’m getting tired. The game being played on me is highly unnerving, and the dark is making it worse. I have trouble breathing, as the feeling of claustrophobia slowly creeps up again. Maybe I’ll sit down for a while, just enough time to regain control of myself, to start breathing again. 

 

 

What if I never make it out of here? Will I just die and rot in this place? All because of this thing circling around me, frightening me? I so want to escape it but the fear is freezing me on the spot.

 

 

Maybe I will. Maybe it’s not as bad as I think. Maybe I can deal with it, live with it. Maybe I’ll surrender. Maybe.

 

 

But then you would have won. I don’t want to live the rest of my life bearing the guilt for something I didn’t do. Because that’s what it is, isn’t it? Guilt. You decided to kill yourself, and I’d have to deal with the guilt I’m supposed to be feeling? I didn’t do anything. I didn’t pop the pills into your mouth, or even hand you the box, nor did I give you the gun or press the trigger. I’m guessing you’d have a back up plan, in case the first attempt went wrong. And a note saying “You made me do it” in big bold letters. No, I don’t have to carry that guilt, because dying is the easy way out. We always have a choice, and yours was stupid one. What I would have liked to tell you is to grow, be a man, and take it like a man. Too late I guess. Not that it would have made a difference anyway. Once a wimp…

 

 

 

 

Hey, what’s that bright light over there?

 

Coupe du Monde 2010 en Afrique du Sud

Le début du ppt est un peu limite, mais la fin est superbe. Un moment de franche rigolade !

 

 WorldCup2010.pps

En vrac...

En ce moment je me surprend à regarder les gens de couleur. Par ça, je veux dire toutes les personnes non caucasiennes. A Angers, il faut avouer qu'il n'y a pas foule, et à chaque fois que je vois une indienne, ou une africaine, ça me rappelle de bons souvenirs. J'adore écouter les africaines parler, en français ou dans leur langue d'ailleurs les deux ont leur charme. L'accent en français est génial, et puis les sonorités des langages africains "sound familiar to my ears". Les indiennes ont en général une belle peau, et un teint que j'apprécie particulièrement.

La diversité me manque. Ici je me fond trop dans la masse. Je ressemble trop à tous ces gens, à qui en même temps je n'ai aucune envie de ressembler. J'aimerai pouvoir entendre d'autres langues en tournant au coin de la rue. Tomber nez à nez avec de parfaits inconnus, sans aucun lien culturel avec eux, la seule chose nous rapprochant étant le fait d'être étrangers dans ce même endroit.

Je vois que j'ai surtout parlé des femmes. J'imagine que c'est parce que mon idéal d'homme reste quand même le caucasien de base, blondinet de préférence ! Et oui, à chacun ses canons de la beauté. Un mec qui me fait craquer ? Blanc, un peu plus grand que moi, cheveux chatains tirant sur le blond. La couleur des yeux ne m'importe pas, à partir du moment où il n'a pas peur de me regarder dans les yeux. Ca compte pour n'importe quel mec d'ailleurs. Rien ne vaut de se regarder droit dans les yeux pendant 2/3 secondes pour montrer qu'on est bien avec la personne et non pas perdu dans ses rêves. Pour moi le regard est aussi important pendant des concerts. Ca m'énerve de ne pouvoir partager le bonheur de la musique par le biais du regard avec la personne qui m'accompagne, qu'on sorte ensemble ou pas ! La musique est quelque chose qui se partage soit en chantant ensemble, soit en montrant qu'on aime bien en se regardant.

Enfin, moi et mes théories fumeuses...

N'empêche que je préfère un mec qui me regarde, même s'il ne parle pas beaucoup. On se sent tout de suite exister un peu plus.

Sauf quand le gars est lourd, tout aussi lourd que son regad de drague à deux balles genre "j'suis un latin lover".

 

Moi ? Compliquée ? Naaaaan ! 

 

 

Smashing Pumpkins - Disarm

Apparement ils seraient en train de sortir un nouvel album - nice ! 

A picture is worth a thousand words

 

Taken at the beach last weekend.

 

  Because this picture represents a lot of what I feel.

 

An era almost coming to an end,

 

Lets us believe the next day will be just as beautiful as this one.

 

 

 

And also to shut people's gob about the weather in Brittany !!! :p 

bla...

The temperature's finally cooled down a bit, which has enabled me to switch my computer back on again. The darned thing is worse than a heater !!!

So I promised news from my short holiday last week. There goes !!!

Wednesday I left for Carnac to join my parents who'd been there since the day before. The day started off pretty well, cool weather, sun behind a few clouds which was good considering the heat wave we'd had until then. All was going well, until... yes, until I got onto the train station. To my utter bewilderment, the train was going to be 25 minutes late !!! *Irony filter engaged* Oh my gosh, this is something that never happens usually with the SNCF !!! This was such a bummer especially since I only had 10 minutes to change trains in Nantes !!! *Irony filter disengaged*

*Oooh, I have this sudden urge for corned beef ...*

*No, am not pregnant*

So the nice man at the counter gave me this new itinerary ("free of charge !" oh, gee, thanks a fucking lot !!!) And I dicovered with glee that (oh joy) I had to wait over 2 hours in Nantes...

Apart from that I got to Carnac alright, enjoyed the beach, the 26°C heated swimming pool, dunking my baby sis. I also met up wit François, with whom I was going to spend the weekend in Carhaix, at the Vieilles Charrues. It felt kinda weird, but it was all back to normal after the first minute, during which I got dissed for always being early.

Honestly ! Screw the world !!! What do you give if I get places early ? My frigging business !!!

Anyway, next day, more sun, more pool, more shopping (I didn't buy anything !!!)

My folks left the next morning, and I wlaked along the beach in Carnac, roasting on the rocks, and waiting for o'clock, time at which I was supposed to François and his brother, whom we were going with.

Got dissed again for being on time (fuck fuck fuck !!!)

Then we headed out into the great wilderness.

An hour and a half later, we got to the parking lot - second to farthest from the entrance - of course ! Then, half an hour of walk in the heat to the site. Luggage got checked again, then another half hour to find a camp site that wasn't overflowing. We ended up in ***camping number 5*** - remember the number... Set up the tents, then drag ourselves back down to the concert site.

From then on it was just neat. I discovered new bands such as Shout Out Louds and dEUS, as well as Yann Tiersen, which is really really great ! Was disappointed with Raphael, who showed up on stage with tracksuit pants and a shapeless tshirt. His songs are not really cut out for a festival like this where songs have to have a lot of rythm.

"Clou du spectacle" of Friday : Placebo. What can I say ? Just great !

Saturday :

Good bands - Cowboys Fringants, Cali (spectacular, the man is a true artist, he slammed into the crowd for almost 5 minutes. One of the best shows !) Editors and Madness, which I truly loved. I guess for this last one, you have to speak English a little to really get into the groove. Ah well, I enjoyed it a lot !

Crap shows - Jamel Debbouzec, as he joked. This was a music festival, not cut out for stand up artists. He pent his time telling 40 000 people to sit down, and went on about how we shouldn't blame the guys from the cités. We left quickly.

Sunday : most bloody tiring day ever.

Woke up, went to the loo and heard people saying that the police weren't letting people out without their ID. Forgot quickly about it. Turned out that the police had squared off ***camping number 5*** (remember ? Our camp site ?) Because someone had apparently died ! So we started queuing at the exit so that they would take our depositions - stood over an hour in the heat and smell of piss (by the way, why can guys go pee in toilets, like other normal humain beings, ie women ???) An hour later we managed to squirm out of the line. Turns out this woman had OD'd between thursday an friday -meaning she'd spent two whole days decomposing in the sun... Ickky !

Concerts : saw Olivia Ruiz - she sucks big time. Learned new lyrics to her songs, pretty cool !

We then went back to our tents, packed up and went to the car and back to drop our junk cos we were leaving the same night. Julien Clerc from far away was pretty good, I knew most of the songs ("Femmes, je vous aime..." Niark niark niark)

Tracy Chapman was wonderful (cf previous note) and the Pixies just blew my mind ("where is my mind"). One hell of a concert !!!

From then on we went back to Carnac, deeply appreciated the shower (did I mention I hadn't washed in three full days ???) Got a cold during the night because I fell asleep with wet hair, which has turned into Bronchitis - my favourite illness ! Thankfully I still have a few pills to treat it.

So now I'm home alone with the cat (who danced the fandango on my bed from 3am onwards). I'll be leaving for Brittany early tomorrow morning - cool weather here I come !!!!

I'm also happy cos I got news from My new boss, I know when I'm starting and stuff, and I'm going to search for appartements next week Thursday !

Now I'm also kinda starving, and I have to go prepare my own food...

I hope you're all doing ok, and have a good time on Saturday !!!

 

Cheers ! 

This monkey's gone to heaven...

 

The rest can go to Hell.

Music rules. Rock 'n roll rules.

 

Dreams fulfilled last night. Nothing too fancy, just being able to scream to the top of my voice that if man is five, and if the Devil is six, then God is seven. Like I said, nothing too fancy. I don't need much to make me happy.

 

Music rules.

Clapping to the drums, finding the right rythm. Feeling the bass ripple through the earth and resonate in your lungs. Pogo-ing alongside fellow lovers of the English language. Closing your eyes, listening to the sounds, impregnating yourself in the words, the feelings. And screaming.

 

And crying. Tracy Chapman got me crying into her third song, and the tears welled up frequently after that. Cristal-clear voice, yet deep, warm and resounding. Shivers still run across my skin. She's a beautiful woman, face, hands and soul.

 

And alienated. Tis a definite advantage to know English for some of these concerts. The magic is strong, and it is deeply felt. An amazing experience. You can only feel sorry for those who were not open enough to feel it. And it strengthens you.

 

Regrets ?

Not to have shared the music with someone who understands.

But overall so very happy.

 

Merci Fanch...

 

 Pixies - This monkey's gone to Heaven

A year ago

A year ago

365 days, give or take the time zones

I was ill - bronchitis - coughing my lungs out

We were supposed to go out for a pizza, our last dinner

Instead you took me out for something so much more romantic

An insight into your life

 

We walked around Auckland at eleven at night 

Not the big tour, never

Just the little streets, the dead ends, and the 1984 buildings

Now I even know where Jehova's witnesses hold cult

 

We ended up in an empty parking lot, watching the odd traffic

Came up to the conclusion we weren't meant to be, even if I hadn't been leaving two days later

We'd decided not to hate each other, and remember ourselves as friends 

All this so gently

No one's ever been gentler with me, even in their accusations

 

The next morning was quiet

The light was good, an opportunity to take pictures

Quiet walk down to the bus, I gave you my coat

And even now I cry

A kiss, good bye, turn around, everything's alright

Then you call me, I turn around

 

"take care"

 

That's when I ran

 

 

 

Today is also Sangeeta's birthday. Big kisses girl, I love you. 

 

Open your eyes

Are you lonely tonight

on the other side of the pane

It's always a one-way mirror

no matter which side we stand

The tear trickling down your face is magnified

moving shadows slithering down this window

I wish I could open up an umbrella over your pain

but it just won't stop the rain 

 

Are you lonely tonight

let's go out for a walk

I'd be witty and full of charm

You'd disarm me with a smile

And we'd get blessings from the stars 

But the flow of people pushes me back

I reach out and get taken into the swirl

Drowned in your tears

 

Are you lonely tonight

Well then look up 

I'm here... 

 

Chanson du soir...

Une chanson qui a une valeur sentimentale pour moi. Et oui, j'ai roulé mon premier patin sur cette jolie mélodie...

Souvenirs souvenirs !

Je sais pas pourquoi, mais j'ai l'imprsseion que toute ma discothèque va passer sur ce blog !!! :D

 

Pascal Obispo et Zazie - Les meilleurs ennemis 

Un petit test

Voila, c'est juste un petit test pour voir comment marche l'ajout de musique à une note.

La chanson est "Dancing in the moonlight" des Smashing Pumpkins, une chanson que j'aime beaucoup, toute en douceur. 

 

When I passed you in the doorway
You took me with a glance
Should have took that last bus home
But I asked you for a dance
Now we were steady to the pictures
I always get chocolate stains on my pants
Father says "he's going crazy"
Says I'm livin' in a trance,

Dancing in the moonlight
It's caught me in it's spotlight,
It's alright, it's alright, the moonlight
This long, hot summer night

It's three o'clock in the morning, I'm on the streets again
Disobeyed another warning, Shoulda been home by ten
Now I stay out 'till Sunday, I have to say I stayed with friends
It's a habit worth forming, It's a means to justify the end

Dancing in the moonlight
It's caught me in it's spotlight,
It's alright, it's alright, the moonlight
This long, hot summer night

I'm walking home
Last bus is long gone

Mais qu'est ce que tu fais là, bordel !!!

Parfois j'aimerais laisser un mot, renouer les liens

Mais est-ce que c'est important ? Qu'est-ce qu'on en a à foutre ?

Je continuerai à créer des liens, puis les laisser en plan

 

Parce que j'ai pas envie

Parce que je crois que t'en as pas envie

 

Peut-être que je me fais des idées

J'me laisse berner

 

C'est ce qui arrive quand on réfléchi trop

Qu'on essaye de lire entre les lignes

Et qu'on se rend compte qu'il n'y a aucun texte

 

Qu'est-ce que t'en as à foutre de toute façon ?

 

C'est la seule manière que j'ai de faire passer le temps

 

Il me reste deux semaines          (et je serai toujours là)

Il me reste un mois                    (et on sera peut-être là)

Il me reste trois mois                 (et on sera où ?)

Il me reste trois mois et demi     (et je serai là-bas)

 

Oui, il me reste deux semaines

C'est tout ce que j'ai trouvé pour faire passer le temps.

Small words, and then some... a tribute to not understanding

He writes for me

Using small words

Putting together short sentences

So full of meaning

That I don't always get.

So much room for interpretation

He lets me make what I want with these words

And that's all the magic there is.

Who cares what the others think

It's what I make of it that matters.

Never naming me either

But I know they're for me

Cos the bells are ringing, and ringing

And tolling

Just like in that song, that night, my tears...

If you enjoy old books...

The British Library's website   <www.bl.uk>  has scanned old books, through which you can leaf. These include, but are not limited to, Leonardo Da Vinci's notebook, Mozart "diary" - notebook on which he wrote his partitions, or even Alice's adventures under ground, handwritten and illustrated by Lewis Carroll.

I like old books, and to think that these were hand-written just fills me with awe.

Have a look. Get out of those o-so-common contemporary stories, and enjoy the fine art and the beautiful work these people put into their books.

Marvels. 

Once upon a time, I got tagged...

Quatre boulots que vous avez eus dans votre vie :
- Soutien scolaire en anglais au lycée, puis à l'ESSCA,
- Cueillette de framboises pendant 4 semaines, puis myrtilles pendant une journée !
- Stage en hôtellerie (serveuse, réceptionniste, service commercial - m'a dégoûté du service commercial !!!)
- Stage en expertise comptable / audit depuis 2 mois - c'est cool !

Quatre films que vous pourrez regarder encore et encore :
- The Rocky Horror Picture Show - copitage de Lilly - avecma soeur on est accros ! Je ne remercierais jamais assez Renaud de m'avoir indiqué ce film... "...burnin in the fireplace" - et Lilly de m'y avoir emmené !!! :D
- Amadeus, film qui retrace la vie de Mozart. Pas du tout ennuyant comme on pourrait le croire, il y a plein de musiques magnifiques. Je le conseille à tout le monde, c'est un chef d'oeuvre !
- Trainspotting, parce que vu dans l'illégalité (interdit -16 ans) il m'a marqué, d'abord parce que les images sont ccrues pour une gamine de 14 ans, et parce que le musique est géniale !!!
- Conspiracy Theory, avec Julia Roberts et Mel Gibson, parce que Mel Gibson est un acteur dément et démentiel, et ce film nous le prouve parfaitement.

Quatre endroits où vous avez vécu :
- Tréguier, (22) Côtes d'Armor. Mon chez moi quand je suis en France, même si on n'y a plus de maison. C'est le eul endroit d'où je puisse dire que je viens, même si je pense que j'ai pas vraiment de chez moi.
- Maseru, Lesotho, Southern Africa. 5 années qui m'ont marquées. Y'a pas à dire, voyager, ça ouvre l'esprit sur ce qu'il y a autour de soi, et ce que l'on prend pour acquis. Ca rend aussi un peu cynique...
- Bata, Guinée Equatoriale. Trou du cul du monde, je m'en rends compte maintenant. Heureusement que j'étais petite et que je ne comprennais pas tout. C'est de cette époque là que viens ma croyance et ma peur dans tout ce qui est sorcellerie africaine. Je suis sceptique pour tout le reste, mais il faut faire gaffe aux witchdoctors africains.
- 5 mois à Auckland, expérience rafraichissante, qui donne envie de se tailler d'ici le plus rapidement possible. Dire que "rapidement" sera probablement dans au moins 2 ans, expérience professionnelle oblige...


Quatre séries télé que vous aimiez regarder :
- Le Caméléon
- Desperate Housewives
- Toutes sortes de dessins animés - j'en ai regardés tellement !
- Les Snorkies !!!

Quatre endroits où vous êtes allé en vacances :
- Ile Maurice
- Rome
- Sun City en afrique du Sud... Hummmmm, souvenirs souvenirs...
- Tréguier, pendant des années.
Quatre sites Internet que vous visitez tous les jours :
- Deviantart
- Hautetfort
- Yahoo
- Boites mails diverses

Quatre de vos plats ou aliments préférés :
- Les spaghettis !
- Ce qui est à base de curry, et le poulet biriany
- le riz cantonais et les nems
- le chocolaaaat

Quatre endroits où vous aimeriez être :
- Alors là je vais tricher... ailleurs qu'à Angers ?

Tagged...

I've been tagged - six facts about myself. So here goes before I go away for a whole week to Toulouse ("Toulouuuuse, toulouuuuse...")

(This was partly written about 4 weeks ago, I'm now completing and posting it.) 

1) I'm shy - used to be hopelessly shy, stuttering and all. I'd go all red in the face, bright and lobstery. It's greatly improved since my internship in 2nd year in a retail store. And also thanks to NZ where if I wanted things to go right, I had to go out and make them right. At the moment I'm actually very proud of myself at work. I feel at ease with the people, getting red only when the flipping computer's not working or when I screw up with the photocopying machine (I swear it doesn't like me !) So yes, I'm proud of myself for becoming someone I'm liking a bit more everyday.

2) I am hopelessly in love with the English language. It may seem strange, but I find it so much easier to converse and strike up conversations with strangers in English than French. Some say it's just a state of mind (ladada...). I'm non-commital - just an observation, and it's true. I guess it's because I spent my teenage years thinking in the language, years which to me feel like the most important years of my life. Cornerstone, would you say...

3) I keep a wooden cigarette box in which I put little pices of paper with words on them. Words that sound nice, that roll nicely off my tongue. Eiderdown, enlightment... I sometimes keep on repeating words until the whole meaning has gone out of them, and wonder what makes the word the object or action it means in our lives. Understand ? No ? Tough shit !

4) I am obsessed with smells - nice ones especially. They're the ones which bring back most of my memories. My lip balm makes me think of auckland Library, a hair gel of a certain person, a perfume of this guy I knew. I also love the way guys smell, either right after they've put perfume, or their normal body odour. I relish smelling them.

5) what the f... could I tell you about... I'm dying to have my own place again, after 4 years living with my folks. 3 more months of internship, and I'll be done !!! I'm just so looking forward to it !!!

6) I'm running out of inspiration - how about I'd like to get myself a guy at the moment. Doesn't really have to be nice. Not a total dickhead, but I'm not really looking for the man of my dreams. A few weeks spent together'd be nice. Just to have a bit of company for a while. And a quick shag once in a while. Yeah, that'd be quite enjoyable !

Wordlessly slipping away

It's like watching a photograph, and knowing the place but not quite being able to name it, or recollect where I know it from.

It's like this feeling I've had all day, melancholy mingled with contentment. Like waking up from a dream and not remembering what it was, just that it was nice and comforting, and very much gone. And glimpsing an image that reminds me of that dream I can't really remember, but which puts me in a daze anyway.

It's like a scent that suddenly reminds me of an old friend.

It's like a taste that comes out of nowhere, invading my mouth and making me crave something I don't really recognise either.

That's how I felt today. Just a little bit out of things.

Questionnaire

Si j’étais un animal, je serais un chat

Si j’étais un oiseau, je serais un Weaver Bird (fait des nids suspendus aux branches d'arbres, en forme de poire)
Si j’étais une fleur, je serais un oeillet

Si j’étais un végétal, je serais des fougères

Si j’étais une plante, je serais un séquoia
Si j’étais un objet, je serais un pouf (et non une pouf !)
Si j’étais une couleur, je serais bleu nuit
Si j’étais un film, je serais "Amadeus"
Si j’étais une émission de TV, je serais "Desperate Housewifes"
Si j’étais un livre, je serais "The Long Run" de Richard Bachman
Si j’étais une chanson, je serais "J'veux qu'on baise sur ma tombet"
Si j’étais un plat, je serais des spaghettis bolognaises saupoudrées de parmesan

Si j’étais un dessert, je serais une bûche au chocolat (qui a dit "gourmande" ?)

Si j’étais un fruit, je serais un ananas
Si j’étais une saison, je serais le début de l'automne
Si j’étais une planète, je serais ... haha, la blague ultime, à lire en anglais... Uranus ! (Mauvais goût, je sais)

Si j’étais un pays, je serais loin d'ici
Si j’étais une région de France, je serais la bretagne of course

Si j’étais un lieu, je serais Cathedral Cove
Si j’étais un son, je serais le bruissement du vent
Si j’étais une vision, je serais une vision de lui
Si j’étais un vêtement, je serais un bon vieux jean
Si j’étais une devise, je serais "rien ne sert de courir, il faut partir à point", sauf que je pars toujours trop tôt
Si j’étais une période historique, je serais les années 80 (je sais pas si on peut appeler ça une période, mais bon !)

Si j’étais une star, je serais Kenneth Branagh
Si j’étais un adverbe, je serais "à jamais"
Si j’étais une conjonction, je serais une conjonction de coordination
Si j’étais une qualité, je serais la gentillesse
Si j’étais un défaut, je serais la temporisation
Si j’étais une vérité, je serais celle qu'on aimerait dire, mais qu'on ose jamais
Si j’étais un mensonge, je serais le plus petit possible
Si j’étais un sentiment, je serais l'amitié
Si j’étais une sensation, je serais la chaleur (marre des pieds froids !)
Si j’étais un mot, je serais "enlightenment"

Si j’étais un nombre, je serais 9
Si j’étais une question, je serais celle sur la vie, l'univers et tout et tout
Si j’étais une réponse, je serais "42 ?"
Si j’étais un pouvoir, je serais une mémoire photographique (marre d'apprendre par coeur !)
Si j’étais une œuvre d’art, je serais la Vénus de Milo
Si j’étais une promesse, je n'en serais pas
Si j’étais un élément, je serais l'air
Si j’étais une pièce de la maison, je serais les toilettes (marre des petites vessies !)
Si j’étais un meuble, je serais un fauteuil confortable
Si j’étais une photographie, je serais un Doisneau
Si j’étais un métier, je serais glandeuse professionnelle
Si j’étais une émotion, je serais le bonheur
Si j’étais un philosophe, je ne serais personne je crois...
Si j’étais une passion, je serais passionnée de lui

 

Voilà, petit questionnaire afin de passer le temps...

 

JOYEUSES FËTES !!! 

When will you leave me alone ?

 

 

Ok people, just out of sheer curiosity, I'd like to know which one of you uses Linux as an operating system... I'm just being nosy, but I think there might be someone out there who's reading me, and whom I don't know. Cos I seem to be getting an awful lot of visits (no, it's not awful, jut an expression !), and it's a little weird thinking that there arepeople who might even be remotely interested in what I say ! It's a shock to me !!! :D

 Anyway, that was just me being totally nosy, don't mind me !

 I'm feeling a bit arty tonight. I've joined this community so that I could get in touch with Aidan, and I've found myself actually putting pictures up, and wanting to draw and write. especially after seeing what some people can do - I'm just amazed (and using the word "just" too much !). So as a word of warning, from now on I might be posting up some writing of mine, just for fun. Feel free to comment, or not, as you wish.

 So there goes...

 

I'm sitting at your door

Waiting out in the rain

As if it mattered anyway

Made up your mind

Nothing's going to change

And I'm siting here hurting

As you walk in through the back door

Is avoidance the best you can do ?

Will ignoring me erase my pain ?

If only you could leave my mind.

But instead I'm here, sitting out in the rain

Shoving my pain in your face

And watching you squirm. 

Eiderdown

 

 

I've been kind of obsessed with the word. I've finished reading "All quiet on the western front", and I stumbled upon it. It's been rolling on my tongue ever since yesterday, transforming it into it's French counterpart, édredon, which is not quite the same object. Who gives anyway. The word's going to get rolled up in my word box, and I'll promptly going to forget about it. Hopefully. I'm kinda tired of saying it over and over again.

As always, a million things to do. Which has the highest priority? Finish knitting my glove, or finish to begin my essay on corporate governance. Both highly trivial if you ask me. But as I'd like to pass this last semester, I guess I'll get down to it. Due on Monday - damn, so much partying to do. 

I have a tendency to get angry at the world at the moment. The media, saying stupid things on the news - seriously, who gives if the cat flies 1st class back to LA? Stupid sports commentator, who's apparently the only one who knows how to speak English, but can't even translate correctly the comments of the Springboks' coach. And by the way, it snows in South Africa in the winter ! Bunch of morons. Then there's wasting 36 hrs of class time listening to utter bollocks which have nothing to do with life, while you could actually spend that time learning useful things. Sheesh, seeing the price of the damn school, we could at least have people who know how to speak English, and not pretend to speak the damn language. I think I might have worn out a tooth or two, cringing when the guy couldn't pronounce "area" properly. Damn it ! What's so hard about the word?  

Me? Frustrated? Naaa, I think I just need a holiday, or a time machine to throw me forward 12 days into the future - that'd be good ! 

You ain't nothin' but a hound dog...

 

I don't really feel good tonight. Don't know how to explain that feeling. It's all because of a party, to which I refused to go. Even if the people throwing it are my friends. Because there'll be so many poeple there which I can't stand anymore. I can't stand this feeling where you can't meet anybody new in our year, you have to stick to the group of people you usually hang out with. But what if I don't want to be with them anymore - I can't relate to them. We've grown up in our own separate ways, and it seems that I can't get in touch with them anymore. There's a lot of distance between us, and we can't talk, have nothing to talk about. Even our centres of interest are worlds apart now. So I decided not to go, because the previous parties were major fuck-ups for me. 

But still, I got a call from one of the few people whom I still appreciate, who wanted me to come. And I said no, I had come down with something, and anyway it was too late to walk out into the cold. I'm trying to give myself excuses. I guess there aren't any. I just didn't feel good, didn't feel like going there, seeing these people. I still don't feel good, but I did what  I wanted to do. I'll just have to apologise to the girls throwing the party, and to the friend who called me.

Nah, I didn't feel good, came down with a nasty bout of blues. Five more weeks till the end of the semester. D'you think I can make it ?